Boy was sick this week.  At first he started out with a fever and a cough, not enough to worry.  By day 2 his fever topped 104° and I began to freak out.  104° is the magic Mommy freak out temp, by the way.  the temp dropped within a couple of hours and I thought that maybe he had broken and was on the mend, but no.  The 3rd day saw temps at 105°.  I dropped his happy butt into a cold bath and called his old pediatrician.  The rather snippy woman on the phone informed me that he was fine, not to worry, and that he was too old for a pediatrician.  I took him to the doc-in-the-box the next morning.  Turns out he has PNEUMONIA.  Never trust the snippy, wish I was a real nurse, but instead I'm just a medical office type receptionist beyotch, always always trust your gut.  Especially when it comes to Mom junk.  You know your kids better than any one.

So anyway he's back in school, and I'm back in business.

I posted a few pieces on an art site, see here:  http://www.absolutearts.com/portfolios/c/cristy0921/

Totally check it out!  I'm so proud of myself.  I've given away, sold and lost so many pieces over the years, I'm really glad to finally be trying to do something with my passion.  I hope you like it.

Regrets

I don’t think people who say “I have no regrets” really know what they are saying.  I think that the phrase is a popular one among younger girls to make them look like they have actually done things that someone would regret, but they are so cool and aloof that they don’t care that they have done these things; therefore, they “have no regrets.” What a load of crap.  I hate seeing the phrase. 

If you have no regrets, I think you’re doing it wrong.  No one has gone through life without making some mistakes.  If you have no regrets, you either haven’t taken any chances, aren’t living life to its fullest; or sadly, you have no conscience.  If you don’t feel any sorrow for things done wrong, either in a way that hurt someone else, or yourself, then I feel very bad for you indeed. 

I have regrets.  I regret that I didn’t take that path less traveled.  I regret the time spent with the wrong person, and not enough time spent with the people who mattered more than I knew at the time.  I regret the words not uttered, and the care not shown.  I regret not standing up for myself more.  I regret the pictures not painted and the words not written.  I regret some of the stupid things I’ve said or done.  I regret the chances not taken.  There are many regrets.

Of all of the regrets I have would I undo any of them?  If I did where would it take me if I could?  How different would my life be if there were things in my life that I could undo, or regrets that I could change?  Would I really wish my life to be different than it is right now?  I think not.  So although I do have regrets, and I wish that I had done a million things differently, I don’t want my life now to be any different than it is now. 

I want to use my regrets for a learning experience and use my regrets to mold how I live my life in the future.  I will remember my regret that I was once afraid to speak my mind, and try to be more courageous.   I will remember my regret of not spending enough time with loved ones and I will choose to be with the ones who matter most in my life.  I will use my regrets, and make them a tool to make the rest of my life better.

So don’t tell me that you have no regrets.  If that is the truth, then I’m sorry for you.  But I think that it is not the case for most people.  I think we regret many things, but we choose not to dwell on them and we choose to accept the faults and mistakes in our past and use them to change who we are in the future.

I was searching for a name for this blog, and the phrase, "find the beauty", kept popping up.  It is something that my grandfather always did, he found the beauty in things and brought it out.  Whether it was a property, an orchard, an old house, a dresser or an old plate, he found the beauty in it, and worked until it was beautiful again.

I have tried to be like this most of the time.  But in truth, I'm not afraid to toss stuff out if it's absolute crap. There is a point in which you have to be objective about things, and know when to keep on, and when to move on.

Yesterday I decided to move on.  There was nothing for me where I was.  I have nothing against the job per say, the people are great, the work is honest, the pay wasn't awful, but it was the opposite of what I needed to be doing.  That's right, I quit.

I know, I know, there are a hundreds, or thousands of blogs out there started the day after someone looses their job.  I realize that.  I may be just the same, but I will strive to be different.  Because I AM different.  In a million ways, and so are you.  Hopefully my different will speak to your different and I can have something to say to you.